Author: Margo Holley

Palliative Care is Coming to Hospicare This Fall

Posted on by Margo Holley

We’re excited to share some wonderful news—palliative care services are coming to our community this fall through our new program!

Even better, thanks to the kindness and generosity of our supporters, we’ve reached our fundraising goal of $200,000. This incredible support will help us launch and grow the program in its first few years, bringing much-needed care to local patients and families.

What Is Palliative Care?

Palliative care is a special kind of medical support for people who are living with serious illnesses. It helps people feel better—physically and emotionally—while they continue to see their regular doctors and receive treatment.

Our palliative care team will include a nurse practitioner and a licensed social worker who will visit patients in their homes. The nurse practitioner will help with pain and symptom control, while the social worker will offer emotional support and help connect families to helpful resources.

Who Will It Help?

Palliative care is for people of any age or diagnosis who are facing a serious illness and need extra support. It’s especially helpful for those dealing with pain, stress, or hard medical decisions. It’s also a big help for family members and caregivers. Palliative care offers guidance, education, and comfort during what can be a very stressful time.

Some of the most common conditions that are a good fit for palliative care services includes:

  • Advanced heart failure
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)
  • Cancer
  • Dementia
  • Neurological conditions like Parkinson’s or ALS
  • Kidney disease
  • Heart Failure

Why It Matters

Until now, our area didn’t have access to in-home palliative care. This new program will fill a big gap, helping people stay comfortable, stay connected, and stay in control of their care.

Because palliative care is often the first step in a longer journey—including, for some, hospice care—this program will also help people start those conversations earlier and feel supported every step of the way.

We can’t wait to begin offering this service and are deeply grateful to everyone who helped make it possible.

Stay tuned over the next several weeks for more updates—and thank you for being part of a community that cares deeply for those in need.

The Cat Who Brought Music to Hospicare (And the Woman Who Led the Charge)

Posted on by Margo Holley

Gracie’s story began in Room 6 at the Hospicare residence on King Road. 

One day, a patient started asking for extra milk with unusual frequency. The secret he was hiding didn’t stay a secret for long, and eventually, an aide went to Executive Director Nina Miller. “You should probably come down to the room,” the aide said. 

As Nina walked down the hall, she noticed that the nurses and staff were all watching her. When she opened the door, she understood why: curled up next to the patient was a black-and-white cat, sound asleep. 

The nurses worried that Nina might send the cat away. Instead, Nina could see that the patient—and the staff—had already grown attached. After making sure that the cat wasn’t missing from a nearby home, she decided to let her stay. The only thing left to do was to name her, so Nina went from room to room, cat in her arms, asking residents for suggestions. One name stuck: Gracie. 

A Comfort Like No Other 

Gracie quickly became part of daily life at the residence. She trotted freely throughout the building, visiting with residents, families, volunteers, and staff alike. And while she spent time with everyone, she often formed close bonds with specific patients, curling up beside them in their final days. Staff even noticed that she would grieve after a resident passed. 

At night, they’d sometimes carry her from room to room, saying, “Say goodnight, Gracie”—a nod to George Burns and his wife Gracie Allen, who used to end their television show the same way. 

Patients began to see Gracie as more than a companion. One, Jean Hope, called her a “nurse angel” for the way she never left her side. When Jean died, her family asked that donations be made in her honor to a new fund: the Gracie Fund. 

Those gifts gave Hospicare the chance to start something new. 

From Cat to Choir 

In 2005, longtime Hospicare volunteer and musician Jeannie Barnaba suggested that Nina call Jayne Demakos, who was already bringing music to the residence in an unofficial capacity. Jeannie knew Jayne’s background as a harpist and certified music–thanatologist made her the perfect fit for their needs. 

Nina followed up on the suggestion and soon invited Jayne to begin a music program at Hospicare. With the Gracie Fund as its foundation, Jayne launched Women Singin’—a playful echo of the Women Swimmin’ for Hospicare fundraiser. About twenty women gathered and sang choral, ambient songs in the Great room of the residence for patients, who could hear from their rooms if their doors were open. 

The goal was simple: to invite the community into the residence and offer patients gentle, loving sound. Over time, Women Singin’ evolved into the Threshold Choir, now connected to an international network of nearly 200 chapters that share a common vision: A world where all at life’s thresholds may be honored with compassion shared through song. 

Threshold Choir singers receive training around death and grief, learning to bring calm and tenderness to the bedside. Their harmonized voices create a lullaby-like quality—something that feels personal, intimate, and deeply human. While not a substitute for music therapy or music-thanatology, the Threshold Choir singing “complements both beautifully,” Jayne says. 

Jayne’s Calling 

Jayne herself is trained as a music-thanatologist—as she sometimes describes it as a “medical harpist”—who specializes in end-of-life care. Using harp and voice, music-thanatologists address what Dame Cicely Saunders, the founder of modern hospice, called the “total pain” of patients: physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, and social suffering. 

Through music, Jayne and her colleagues help ease anxiety, insomnia, respiratory distress, high blood pressure, and even existential pain. “Music can create a sense of wholeness, healing, and connection,” Jayne explains. “It can restore the soul, and sometimes even help create a kinder dying.” 

In addition to her work at Hospicare, Jayne taught at Ithaca College, often bringing students into the residence to experience the power of music at the hospice bedside. 

When COVID-19 shut everything down, both her teaching and her position at Hospicare were put on hold. Jayne moved to Washington state for a two-year position as a full-time music-thanatologist at a large hospital. When her contract ended, she returned to Ithaca—and to Hospicare. 

A Legacy of Music and Love 

After several years at the residence, Gracie found a permanent home with Jeannie, where she lived out her life in comfort. Jeannie herself died at the Hospicare residence in the spring of 2025, leaving behind a legacy of compassion, service, and song. 

Today, thanks to the cat who wandered into Room 6 and the people who carried her legacy forward, music is still part of the care Hospicare provides. Patients and families who want music services can ask their care team, and those who feel called to share their musical talents can contact our volunteer coordinator, Wendy Yettru, to learn how to get involved. 

See Jayne Perform Live This Fall 

Jayne will be performing at the Kitchen Theatre Company in Ithaca on October 19th and at the Temple of Joy yoga studio on November 2nd . She weaves patient stories and harp playing in her performance, A Harpist at the Threshold: Hospice Stories of Love and Grace . In addition, Jayne is supporting her colleague and friend, Kira Lallas by promoting Kira’s performance, Koans at the End of Life: A Hospice Worker’s Story as a ‘sister’ performance. This piece is based on Kira’s time as a hospice social worker. Kira’s performances are on September 28th and October 5th at the Argos Warehouse, also in Ithaca. For more details, click here.  

Questions and Answers with Kathleen Rourke

Posted on by Margo Holley

Kathleen E. Rourke previously worked as an editor at the Cornell Law School before her retirement in 2009 at which time she began studies for a Master’s degree in Pastoral Studies (MAPS). She uses that degree now to minister to people in times of grief, death, and loss. She has always believed in serving the communities to which she belongs and presently that takes the form of being a Disaster Spiritual Care volunteer for the Red Cross. She has been an American Red Cross volunteer for over 25 years, responding to both local and national disasters. Kathleen also serves on the Steering Committee for the Trumansburg Food Pantry as well as participating in numerous activities for her church. In her decade of working as a per diem chaplain for Hospicare, Kathleen has sat with countless people who are facing intense grief and loss.

We spoke with Kathleen on the 11th year anniversary of her working at Hospicare.

Q. Why do you do this work?

I’m called to it. I’ve walked with death beside me my entire life and have faced a lot of death with family and friends. I feel that it is important to share my experiences and what I have learned with others just starting the grief process. Most people find it hard to have a conversation about grief and loss and I try to give them the opening they need to start their own dialogue about their grief. When I am working with patients, I’m not there to present my views. I want to serve them from where they are and address their concerns. The goal is to comfort people. That’s the goal.

Q. What kind of questions do people have?

Well, they’re scared. It’s something new and unknown, death. So, we talk about that. I was taking the Eucharist to people at Beechtree this morning and today’s reading was about “In my Father’s house are many rooms.” This led to an interesting conversation about heaven. Generally, I try and encourage people to ask the questions they might not feel comfortable asking anyone else.

Q. Are all the Hospicare patients you minister to religious?

Not at all, no. I had one lady who only saw the chaplain because her kids wanted her to. She told me what she expected would happen when she died: “I’m just going to go out and become one with nature,” gesturing to the woods outside her window. So, we had a delightful conversation about becoming part of nature’s cycle.

Afterwards her kids shared a poem called “The Ship.” You see a ship leaving, leaving, leaving, and everyone is waving goodbye. The ship looks smaller to us on the shore. But

what you don’t see is that on the opposite shore, the ship is getting larger. That’s an image that is a comforting thought to many.

Q. What about when people are agitated, wrestling with death?

I visited one guy and to get to his room I walked through a huge family gathering in the living room. His wife of many decades was by his bedside as we talked. He was a former military soldier who had been in a lot of wars. He was worried about what he did as a soldier, worried about the judgement he might face. I reminded him, “You just got done telling me about a homeless woman you let use a house of yours and other acts of charity. You have this whole family downstairs that loves you. If you are kind to others and people love you and you return that love, that’s all matters. God only cares about what is in your heart now.”

In the Catholic tradition you have the last rites. A priest can offer these rites as a person is dying and part of the rite is confession. The idea is that anyone can have forgiveness for genuine remorse in their heart right up to the last moment.

Q. Is it unusual that you, as a woman, preside over Catholic rites like Eucharist? 

I can distribute the Eucharist but not preside in a rite of the Catholic Church, only ordained deacons and priests can do that. But I feel called to be a deacon in my church. I didn’t want to get a ministry degree, which is why I think it’s a true calling from God, even if my church does not recognize that call. I have no regrets as I have found great joy in talking with people about faith. While my church does not presently accept women as deacons, before he died Pope Francis put the question of women’s roles in the church, including serving as deacons, back on the table for discussion. I don’t know what Pope Leo is going to do but I think the Holy Spirit is flapping as hard it can to make it happen. Meanwhile, I do what I can to serve people in my church and community.

Q. You went to Ministry School!

I got the same degree as the guys in the deacon program, sharing classes with them. While I am not allowed have an official role in my church, I do as much as I can to minister to people. It used to be that people at Beechtree would say, “What do we call you?” Some would automatically call me “sister” or “father.” I simply respond, “Call me Kathleen.” I just do what God wants of me and occasionally plead the case for women deacons in a letter to the pope. I haven’t decided yet if I will write to Pope Leo but I am considering it.

Q. Tell us about your work with the Red Cross at Ground Zero.

It was scary to fly into NYCity after the flight ban was lifted. That day, there was a plane crash in Queens and so I was reassigned to work at the HQ response to that crash. As Red

Cross workers, we had full passes to go everywhere and in our free time we would visit with responders during their breaks from working in what they called “Ground Hero.”

One such place was this little church right next to ruins of the towers. The tiny church had miraculously survived. I walked out the back door into the church cemetery. There was trash in the trees overhead and big spotlights pointing down onto what was left of the Twin Towers. I went twice, the second time getting right to the edge of the pit. One guy called it looking into the jaws of hell. The enormity of the destruction was incomprehensible, much different from what you see on TV (which made it all look like just a movie set). I thought about how the people buried in the church cemetery had probably died quietly in bed, surrounded by their families, unlike the people in the towers who died horribly.

What can each of us learn from this? We need to be prepared for whatever comes in the next second, hour, day, or year. We need to realize that evil is equally countered by good; but only if you and I remember look for the latter in the quiet corners of life. We need to believe that miracles can and will happen no matter how bad things appear at first glance. Everyone has to contribute goodness if you want goodness to prevail. That is my hope and my wish.

Q. What do you tell people who are worried that when they die, their loved ones will be lost without them?

The spark that makes you unique and makes them love you, survives. It is in them. And every time they mention your name, you are felt. As long as their memories and their stories of you remain, you are still here. Energy may be transformed but always continues. Think of that ship on the horizon, going and yet coming.

The Sweetest Gift: Muffins, Music, and Meaning in Hospice Care

Posted on by Margo Holley

“I wish I had called you sooner.” 

It’s the most common thing we hear from families after they’ve been in our care. At Hospicare, patients and their loved ones receive so much more than expert medical support. They’re surrounded by a compassionate team—nurses, social workers, grief counselors, and trained volunteers—who offer comfort, guidance, and a listening ear. The earlier families call, the greater the impact we can have. And sometimes, that impact shows up in the most unexpected and beautiful ways. 

For Jonathon, hospice has meant more than just comfort care—it’s given him the chance to keep making a difference. When his Hospicare volunteer, Steven, asked what was most important to him in this season of life, Jonathon didn’t hesitate. He wanted to help others.  

That shared goal turned into something special. With Steven’s support, Jonathon began baking batches of homemade muffins each week. Together, they package and deliver them to local mutual aid cabinets throughout Tompkins County—small community pantries stocked with food for anyone in need. They also shop for groceries to restock the shelves and, in one case, even repaired a broken cabinet door. Of course, every batch of muffins is taste-tested before it goes out.

“Helping others has always been a part of Jonathon’s life,” said Steven. “This was a way for him to continue that—something meaningful we could do together.” 

The pair has also made it their mission to explore as many local hiking trails as possible. One favorite? The Upper Gorge Trail at Robert H. Treman State Park, where they hiked to the base of Lucifer Falls. Whether walking wooded paths or heading out to deliver muffins, there’s always music playing in the car—jazz, reggae, classical, rock—something different every week.

Steven has been a Hospicare volunteer for over two years, inspired by his mother’s own work in hospice. “Every patient is different,” he shared. “It’s a privilege to be invited into someone’s life at such a vulnerable and important time. I never take it for granted.” 

To Steven, flexibility and compassion are at the heart of volunteering. “Patients and families may not always know what to expect from a volunteer, but we’re here to meet them where they are. Whether that’s running errands, offering companionship, or helping repair a cabinet—we’re here to help in whatever way we can.”

Jonathon’s story is a reminder that hospice isn’t just about dying—it’s also about living with purpose. And sometimes, the smallest gestures—like a fresh-baked muffin—can make the biggest impact. 

Paying for Hospicare

Posted on by Margo Holley

Whether you’re planning ahead for the care of a loved one or for yourself, one of the most common and important questions is: “How, exactly, do we pay for hospice?” 

The short, uncomplicated answer is: if you have Medicare Part A and qualify for hospice, your Medicare benefits will fully cover the cost. 

The longer explanation is that when you enroll in hospice, Hospicare takes over most of your medical costs related to your terminal illness. That includes medical equipment, medications, nursing care, and support services. In a sense, your hospice provider becomes your insurance provider, handling the cost and responsibility for most of your care needs while you’re in our program. 

If you have private insurance or Medicaid, coverage for hospice services is often available as well, though the details can vary by plan. Our team is always available to help you check with your insurance and understand what is covered under your specific situation. 

It’s also important for patients and family caregivers to understand the difference between discomfort related to the progression of a terminal illness and a true medical emergency. Sometimes, such as after a slip-and-fall accident or a severe burn, the need for urgent care is obvious. Other times, it’s less clear. That’s why hospice providers work closely with families to help them recognize typical symptoms and know when to reach out. If there’s ever any question, we always recommend calling your Hospicare care team first — we can help assess the situation and advise whether an in-home visit or, when truly necessary, a trip to the hospital is the right next step. 

For patients staying at the Nina K. Miller Residence on King Road in Ithaca, it’s important to know that room and board costs are not covered by Medicare hospice benefits. However, Medicaid sometimes helps cover the cost (which is $400 per night), depending on your coverage. If insurance won’t cover it and your family cannot afford the cost, Hospicare offers a sliding scale fee — and we never turn anyone away because of their financial situation. 

 

While most hospice-related care is covered, you may still encounter some out-of-pocket expenses. These can include things like room and board at a nursing facility, certain non-covered medications, or personal care items. Our team will help you understand any potential costs upfront so there are no surprises. 

It’s also important to know that once you are on hospice, treatments intended to cure your illness are no longer covered. That means, for example, that chemotherapy or radiation aimed at stopping cancer’s growth would no longer be included. However, medications and treatments that manage pain, ease symptoms, and improve comfort are always part of your care. 

We understand that financial concerns can feel overwhelming during an already difficult time. Please know that our Hospicare team is here to walk you through your specific situation, answer any questions about coverage or billing, and help you access financial assistance if needed. 

At Hospicare, we believe that everyone deserves compassionate care — no matter their financial situation. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here to help. 

Keeping Memories Of Loved Ones Alive in Daily Life

Posted on by Margo Holley

When a loved one dies, our memories of them can provide comfort, give us a way to process our grief, and continue the feeling of connection with them, all while allowing us to continue to honor their lives. 

 

Over the last several weeks, we asked several community members and Hospicare staff to share how they keep memories of their loved ones alive. 

I lost my mom 18 years ago but have so many memories both from my childhood and as an adult.  My 10-year-old daughter didn’t get to know her, but I share lots.  Sometimes when baking or doing a craft project with my daughter Andie, I’ll look to the heavens to thank Mom for what she taught me and share what we’re doing.  It reminds me of working with her in my childhood. 

Bob Haight, CEO and President, Cortland County Chamber of Commerce 

This year we did a ritual in February on Mom’s death day where I invited my sister and her grown sons and my father over for a meal and an evening. We set up an altar for Mom and decorated it with flowers together. Then we sat around it and wrote letters to her. Those who wanted to share their letters read them out loud, the rest kept them. It was so moving! I left the altar for two weeks and then put the flowers and any loose petals in the creek. I wanted her to see little blossoms everywhere, saying hello.” 

 

Rebecca Barry, Trumansburg, author of two books and the Substack newsletter Out of My Mind 

 

I keep mementos of lost loved ones. One or two physical objects I can feel, hold, and imagine them holding. It keeps their memory in a tangible way. A baseball, a pan for baking brownies… 

Zach Lewis, Hospicare Residence Nurse 

I try to remember people with sentimental items, like my grandmother’s rosary and my grandfather’s old shirts, which were turned into pillows. I also try to remember them by living my life by the values they imparted in me, as a way to honor their memories and the lives they led. 

Robert Cantelmo, Mayor, City of Ithaca 

rcantelmo

It’s a difficult question. When I started thinking about it, I thought, “How do you put into words something that is a sensation, something that is totally spiritual and part of one’s physique, character, one’s way of looking at one’s self and the rest of the world?” All of those loved ones are a part of who I am and my being. It’s like nature. I don’t even have to think about it. I look out the window and I know, that was made. My maker is my being. There isn’t anything that happens that I feel he’s not there. 

I have a list of about 25 people, and I have a mass said on their birthday. All the prayers offered that day, they get the benefit of.  At the beginning of the year, I send my list to the church secretary, and she lets me know if there are any masses available on those birthdays. A cousin of mine passed away two months ago. She and her husband had four biological children and adopted seven others. She had a bad case of dementia that ravaged her. It was very sad. But she had been a very strong, powerful woman. When I went to the funeral, I got this idea: “I need to have a mass said for Connie.” And I found out that the mass on Easter Sunday at 11:30 had not been spoken for. The resurrection! This is perfect for her.” 

Jeannie Barnaba, one of Hospicare’s longest-serving volunteers